Dear Raider,
I want to talk about Estate Planning and inheritances with my family, as I believe that these are important topics. But before I do so, I want to get my family to communicate better in general. My husband brings his work home and works late, and my kids are doing their own things, as teenagers do. No one seems willing to drop everything and sit down and talk. What can I do to improve upon family communication, so we can start to discuss these important topics?
Thanks for your help!
Wanda Tawkwithem
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Dear Wanda,
Communication is the basic building block of most relationships. It is how we convey our thoughts, feelings, and connection to one another. Developing good communication is critical for all successful relationships and can positively or negatively impact a family’s dynamic.
Healthy communication with your family is important and rewarding. It makes tough conversations much easier and more effective. Here are some tips to help families develop better communication so tough conversations about Estate Planning, inheritances, Incapacity Planning, retirement, and Long-term Care Planning can happen with ease.
- Make time to chat: Make time in everyone’s busy schedule to stop and talk about things. Even if it’s 10 minutes a day without distractions, it can make a big difference in establishing better communication within your family. Minimize distractions by turning off the television and computer, and putting away cell phones, etc. Give your family undivided attention and look at each other while you talk. Those few minutes a day can be of great value!
- Listen to what they have to say: When loved ones truly listen to one another, they feel valued and are more likely to share and connect. Simply ask your family about their feelings on a subject. You do not have to agree with them to be a good listener. If they feel listened to, they will be more encouraged to engage in conversations. Use techniques in reflective listening, including:
- Demonstrate active listening through nonverbal communication (nodding head, making eye contact).
- Engage in reflective listening skills, such as repeating what was heard to affirm understanding.
- Use nonverbal communication such as leaning forward and showing interest, as well as mirroring the other person’s body language. Nonverbal body language can make up as much as 55 percent of what we communicate, our voice and tone 38 percent, and the words we say merely 7 percent of the meaning that gets across.
- Share relevant and pertinent information with the family. Be honest and forthright. Allow for differences in opinions and always try to be kind.
- Forgive and try not to dwell: Past conflicts can be held onto within families for years or even generations. Forgiveness is often the first step toward developing healthier family connections.
- Manage conflict effectively: Wherever human interactions exist, there is a potential for conflict and anger to arise. If you are experiencing conflict in a family conversation, it is often best to take a step back, both physically and emotionally. Put a little space between yourselves. Maybe excuse yourself and take a deep breath. Count to 10, and return to the conversation when you are feeling calmer.
- Try problem-solving together: When an issue pops up, try problem-solving the issue together so you can move forward and find solutions without getting fixated on blame and negative communication.
Family relationships are often complicated, involving many layers and many years of interactions. When family members feel safe and comfortable expressing their thoughts and feelings openly, it helps to build a healthier family dynamic. Family members feel more loved, included, and supported. Communication is more likely to be done together, sincerely, and without excessive tension, anger, or hurt feelings.
Sometimes it’s hard to overcome distractions and make time for communication, but it’s important to do so! Hopefully, the tips outlined here help you to create a better dynamic within your family and can be used to build a better foundation to discuss challenging topics in the future.
Hope this is helpful,
Raider
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